You May be a Runner if…

20 Feb

Just about every weekend I do a “long run.”  For me these range anywhere from 12-40 miles.  I get to say 40 on the high end because I just did that last Saturday.  I spent the majority of Sunday in bed.  I thought I would share with you some of the self-inflicted complications running provides my daily life.  Some of you will relate, the rest of you… well I hope you laugh a bit.

I know this is long cliche, but you may have a running problem if:

- You spend one day a week laying in bed unable to move.  

- You park in the “seniors only” spots at church the day after a long run and figure that God is a merciful God.

- You consider wresting a walker from an old man because you think you need it more than he does.

- You don’t take the walker from an old man because you know that in your current state he would beat you down if you tried. (you mess with a man and his walker and the tennis balls come off!)

- You fall over at work on Monday as your legs fail you randomly.  (One day my co-workers found me lying on my back laughing at myself.  They kinda think I’m crazy there and I have no arguments to the contrary)

- You take ice-baths after long runs and your kids gather around to laugh at Daddy’s funny high-pitched noised as he dips into the water.

- You pound endless bananas even when the grocery store only has neon green ones left in a futile effort to stem the build-up of lactic acid.

- You “run” the day after a grueling long run to amuse your wife and kids.

- Your moaning and lack of mobility frighten your kids.  (the day after one long run my 4 yr old prayed for my healing of her own volition while my 3 yr old fetched my slippers and my 6 yr old rubbed my shoulders… I’ve got an awesome crew)

- On Sunday you think that’d it be okay if you never ran again, but by tuesday you think you’ll go insane if you don’t.

- You think that Gu and Clif Bars should be included in the food pyramid.  

- You refer to a meal as a feed.  Feed is for cows… which, incidentally, you feel like after such a gorging.  

- The only tee-shirts you own are from 5k races.

- You have another closest to house your finisher medals… I’m thinking about making a wind-chime out of mine. I think I just stumbled onto my retirement hobby.  

- You weep at the start of the Boston marathon.  I mean, I don’t do that, but I could see how one would;  all those dedicated runners training privately and coming together to form this massive wall of cohesive humanity living their dreams… *sniff.  So beautiful.  Real men weep with joy and longing for Boston.

-You work so hard to finish ahead of the cute girl next to you only to have her congratulate you and find you puking in the bushes.  Yeah, that happened to me.  I didn’t end up with her number…

Enough about me.  Please, continue this list below in the comments!  

5 Responses to “You May be a Runner if…”

  1. Maggie Wright February 20, 2012 at 8:51 pm #

    I literally laughed out loud about the medal windchime!!! I think that is a fabulous idea!!

    I personally am a HUGE fan of the Clif Goos or whatever they are called! I swear we bought more of those than actual food while we were marathon training!!

    Keep on keepin’ on Brandon!!!

  2. Jamie February 20, 2012 at 9:12 pm #

    What girl and what race?!? Seriously, honey? I know the others are all true (yes, even the church parking spot one and the old man and the walker one) so I blieve this must be true too, but I don’t remember hearing about that one.

  3. Alan H February 20, 2012 at 9:52 pm #

    While driving the car your wife spots someone running in the elements and comments how miserable they must be. You are instantly jealous….

  4. Benjamin C. Stegeman February 21, 2012 at 4:36 am #

    I once was on a long distance bicycle ride and I could feel my leg start to fill up with what I thought was lead. Then all of a sudden I could not pedal any longer and I steered my bike over into the ditch and fell over. My oldest brother was with me and he stopped and gave me two Gu packs and as I ate them and drank some water, I could literally feel the nutrients flow to my legs. I sat there for about 5 minutes stretching, got back on my bike and finished the last 20 miles with the only thought in my head being (I’m going to jump into Green Lake and lay there for the rest of the day.) Then once I got to the lake I pounded down the rest of my water and some from the bubbler, only to puke it all back up on myself while soaking in the lake. That was a rough one and it was only about a 90 mile ride, but all crazy hills and they all seemed to go up. Goodtimes !!!

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