How to use Reverse Psychology to get Yourself to Run

26 Sep

I was a reverse psychology major in college. Which means, I think that I know how to give people issues. Either that or the piece of paper I earned in under a month online may not be 100% legitimate. Either way I’m going to try out what I’ve learned in this week’s post and tell you why you shouldn’t read this blog.

Reason #1: You Don’t Like to Laugh

Don’t even finish reading this paragraph. You’ve come to the wrong blog. Oscar the grouch is not a fan. Neither is Mr. Hooper. Oh wait, he’s dead. *awkward silence* Um… *crickets* Maybe you’re in the right place after all.

Laughing is good for you. It’s like eating your vegetables. Don’t do it

Reason #2: You Don’t Like Adventure

Adventures take even more effort than laughter. If laughter is like carrots and green peppers, adventures are like spinach and broccoli. They’re REALLY good for you and should be avoided at all costs.

In fact, you shouldn’t even read about adventures, lest they infect you with epic dreams and uncontrollable wanderlust. That stuff is dangerous. Watch out. I’m experimenting with crazy stuff on this blog. Life to the fullest? *shudders* No, I’d move on if I were you.

Reason #3: You’re Practically Perfect in Every Way

Okay Mary Poppins. I’m not perfect. This blog isn’t perfectly written. (though it comes really, really close) I make a lot of mistakes. I still do things that I know are bad for my body. I get really frustrated with myself at least 3 times a week, sometimes more. If that’s not you, then I wouldn’t hang around here. Imperfect people peruse these pages. If you want perfection, start a gated community and only allow elite athletes to live in it. Make it like a permanent Olympic village. Actually that sounds kinda awesome…

Reason #4: You Hate Stories, ESPECIALLY Uplifting Ones

This blog will be full of redemption, positive change, personal growth, triumphs, overcoming barriers, persevering, helping others, hope, affirmation, courage, and dedication.

Gross.

After a few posts you’ll probably be so “up” that you’ll need to spend the next 10 hours listening to the Spice Girls while hammering nails into your feet to come back down. (Added bonus: the nails will keep you firmly planted to the ground where you belong)

Reason #5: You’re Allergic to Exercise

No really. It’s real apparently. Don’t believe me? If NBC says it’s real, then it must be. Still, I’ll need a doctor’s note in order for you to get out of reading my latest post.

You might even hate running. That’s a much more common medical condition. (It affects 9 out of 10 Americans) My prescription? More cowbell. Okay, that’s an inside joke between me and…. um… maybe only me. There’s often several spectators at races that shake cowbells to cheer on the racers. You’ve probably heard them during the olympics without realizing it. All that unnecessary explanation to say this: enter a 5k or other race. Races are fun, uplifting, and satisfying. Enter one of the more festive events and you’ll be hooked. Training for a specific event may be just what you need.

Oh, and by the way, “Color Runs” in which they throw non-permanent pigment all over your clothes and body while you run are all the rage right now. I know this. So if you come to me with turquoise arms and a magenta face claiming that you have an exercise allergy I’ll probably just shake my head and walk away.

…and finally, Reason #6: You Can’t Handle the Truth

Before you laugh this one off, be forewarned. I don’t pull any punches. The truth hurts. At least for a time, but it’s the only way to move forward; it’s the only way we grow.

I like to make people cry.

Often it is only when we’re broken that we’re willing to make a change. I’m here to help if you want it. Shoot me an email or Facebook me any time. I’m not insensitive and I won’t belittle or demean you. I won’t pretend everything is fine though if it’s not. That doesn’t do anyone any good. Avoid conflict? Sure. Avoid potentially life-saving, lifestyle changes? Also yes.

So here is the type of people that are left and should be reading this blog. People who like to laugh, want to live life to the fullest, love adventures, who love running (or want to love running), who need inspiration; People who struggle, make bad choices, get discouraged. People who throw in the towel and only pick it up months later to do it again. People who have lost hope, but want it back. People who NEED it back.

Find a home here and subscribe. We’re in for a grand adventure. It doesn’t matter if you’re on chapter five or if you’re overweight still in the prologue. We’re doing this together.

Crap, the whole point of this post was to practice my reverse psychology on you. I guess that piece of paper on my mantle is fraudulent after all. I’ve got no fancy tricks. It’s just me on an iPad in my socially awkward running shorts at the YMCA trying to make the world a better place… and that will have to do.

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