Hearing Voices

2 Aug

They say three’s a crowd. No one likes to be the third wheel. So it’s out of consideration that I won’t run with you. It’s not you, it’s me. It would just be awkward and uncomfortable anyway. You see I’ve already got a running partner and he’s the jealous type. I mean I am. I mean he is. We both are.

Split-Personality Disorder

Yeah, it’s just me out there most of the time. Usually I like it this way. I DO like running with others, but I prefer that the bulk of my training occurs solo. I need the time to think AND talk.

Singing, Dancing, Running Freak

It wasn’t always like this. I used to be really uptight. I used to worry so much about what people thought of me that it crippled my day-to-day functions. I failed out of college the first time around because I was afraid to be in public. I’d hear whispers and think they were condemning me. Now I know I’m not so remarkable to warrant such conversation. It’s liberating to know I’m not under a microscope.

It’s been a conscious battle I’ve waged to be more outgoing. God told me a while back to not be afraid to shine. I’m willing to be remarkable at this point to call attention to my passions. I’m also content to remain without fame. I think that’s the posture to have.

What does this have to do with singing and dancing on runs? Everything. Singing and dancing was the start…

…to my career on Broadway.

Uh no. Sometimes though on a run I feel dang good. Dancing good. Yet I wouldn’t do it, even if I was sure there was no one around. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. The song in my heart had to be released… at least as much as us white Americans allow.

It probably just looked like an odd, dilapidated running form, but I was out of my comfort zone and dancing with the stars.

So it’s been a challenge to myself to not worry about what others think and do what I feel on my runs. Gotta do something to amuse yourself out there right? I sing on my runs now (quietly… except belting out the high notes in my best falsetto of course). I throw my hands up in the air sometimes. All without an iPod. The music’s in me.

The Inner Trainer

I also have my little phrases to myself that seem to carry some meaning. If you have run on the treadmill next to me on my harder workouts chances are you’ve heard me mutter, “Now we go” randomly. That’s my, “It’s time to crush it” phrase. Again, I don’t know who the “we” is that I’m addressing, but at the time when I’m in the zone and killing it on the mill it sounds hardcore and pumps me up, so I say it… out loud. “Come on” is a little louder chant when I’m struggling at the end of a hard interval.

Why Out-Loud?

It has to be out-loud so that it doesn’t get lost in the voices that are telling you to stop. Talking aloud, shouting, singing, and the like are trump cards that silence the lies that tell you that you’re not going to make it. Use them and don’t worry who hears you. Real men don’t care what others think. So go ahead, be a crazy runner guy that mutters to himself. You can even grow a crazy long beard and run with a live (or dead) parrot on your shoulder if that’s your thing. Who cares? Be who you are. Life is to short to waste your time on people that judge you superficially.

I’ll still run with ya.

7 Responses to “Hearing Voices”

  1. Benjamin C. Stegeman August 3, 2012 at 1:17 am #

    I really hope that more people start reading your blog, because it warrants an audience. Keep it up buddy, sing, dance and just do what you do bestest, and that is be Brandon Swanson close second in the race to awesomeness… And may Gob bless you always. Oh and p.s. It is prolly very liberating to type down a.k.a. talk about and get out, these little tid bits of your shortcomings to the rest of the interweb a.k.a. world… I bet it is very good therapy.

    • JL Zoeckler August 9, 2012 at 12:07 am #

      I couldn’t agree more. This is one of the best written (and most interesting) blogs I read. Now, certainly I’m biased because I think Brandon is awesome and I happen to eat up anything written about running. There have to be more of us that like Brandon, running, or both…

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