I “almost” ran 50 miles the other day. That’s what some people have said about my 40 mile run the other day on a treadmill at the local YMCA. They, however only see that I ran 80% of my goal. Only myself and a handful of other runners know how long that last 10 miles really would be.
Mind Games
It’s a funny thing how our minds can spin the statistics in our favor. Whenever I thought about the event as 10 miles (which for me is effortless) x5 I had no doubts I could do it. When I thought of it as back to back marathons it seemed more questionable.
When I hit mile 38 there was only one number in my head… 2. 2 hours left of torture. When you want pain to cease, immediately sounds good doesn’t it? When your head starts spinning and you feel like you’re going to wretch, immediate relief dominates your thoughts. In this state, try to contemplate forestalling that relief by 2 hrs and see what your mind responds with.
Game Over
I’ve never been tortured by the KGB. I’ve always wondered how long I could hold out. I had a high school teacher say that everyone has a breaking point. I liked to think at the time that he was wrong in my case.
Nope. It was an unsettling thing, to come to my end. I tried to marshall my thoughts. I tried to think positive. All I could think was “2.” I broke.
The Death and Re-Birth of a Runner
I broke on facebook for all my friends to see.
I made the 50 mile run a facebook event. I hyped it. I blogged it here. I had friends and people I barely knew commenting, encouraging, posting videos and songs for me to read on my iPad that I had on the treadmill at the YMCA. I updated my status every hour (minus the one in which I thought I was going to puke).
The reaction was huge and unexpected. Four people said they started running because of my endeavor. One said they bought shoes that day. It made my day.
Then I had to quit. It was so hard to quit. I’ve never quit a run, but I knew it was right. I set the bar high so that I might, for the first time ever, find my limit. Success. I found it.
Unsettled
Reality sucks. In my mind I’m a super hero. No really. On February 11, 2011 superman overdosed on cryptonite and died. The end. I’ll miss him.
I cried. Real men don’t like to quit, even when it’s justified and unavoidable.
I had some really terrible thoughts assail me in those latter miles of my run. I didn’t think I’d want to run again. Running had always meant freedom to me.
Running made me feel like I was a superhero.
I’m not a superhero, so what has running left me?
Me.
The Pheonix: Risen
Dusty, ashen, transcendent. Glorious. Three days later and I’m a superhero again. When will I learn my lesson? Don’t hold your breath. I will run 50 miles. Apparently the heart and the human spirit breaks down and comes back stronger like the rest of our bodies.
Not Tough, Just Dedicated
Some people think I’m crazy awesome for having running 40 miles. They are right. I am crazy awesome. But I’m not crazy awesome for the reason they think I am. They think I’m tough.
Truth is, I’m a huge wuss. Ask my wife what happens when I get a cold. I want my mommy. I cry. I think I’m dying. Real men whimper when they get a fever.
I’m not tough, but I am dedicated. I train. There’s no magic in what I do. I used to think I was very gifted athletically. While I am more coordinated than the average duck, I think I’ve always just loved to run more than most. I still do.
Stick With it and You Will Too
Give running time. Build a routine. Find a half marathon to train for. I say half because that’s the first race length that will require months of dedicated training.
In that time you’ll learn to love it, or you’ll decide it’s not for you. Either reaction is fine.
If you love it then you’re hooked and I’ll see you at my next ultra marathon adventure. If you don’t there are so many more exercise options out there, oh and guess what, you’re in great shape to explore them! You can’t lose.
Today
Tomorrow I am going to start running again. Tomorrow’s run starts with the writing of this post tonight. You need to start living the life you want. Please, PLEASE do it now. I’m tired of a world half alive. Let’s remake this thing the way it was meant to be.
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